Jennifer's Cancer Blog

The cursed month.

The most frustrating part of life is not knowing. I'm sorry for the radio silence. I have been reading along and checking in. February is our bad month historically. It's an operation/ treatment/ diagnosis/ hospitalization/ death month for us. Bad luck or bad juju month. It's also my birth month, the month we met for the first time. It's hard to explain, but it sucks.


So an update about me. New diagnosis? 


I have been back and forth with my doctor, massage therapist, physiotherapist and now she speculates that the pain is CRPS. I have started treatment for that. I have not had any diagnostic imaging done on my arm. CRPS explains the excruciating pain I experience now. I sometimes get really overwhelmed from it. There's no place to cry since I am never alone. Iain can empathize but I can't tell him how it feels like I am being cut open again or my arm has been scalded or burned. He can generally tell when it flushes or changes temperature. But he doesn't know. My next step is pain management. I'm not a fan of it. Members of my family have addiction issues. I thought maybe nerve transpotition, an operation. Or more rehabilitation. I have not sat him down. And I don't want to do this in February.


I'm going to try using a feature in my benefits plan called best doctors. However I am worried it may offend my GP. I really respect my doctor and she cares for me. What do you guys think?

I want to take some time to express my condolences to Laren. Barbara encouraged me and imparted so much on me on endurance and kindness. My love to you and your family. You are and have been in my thoughts.


All my love,



Janay, Nancy sent you a prayer.
Thomas, Janay sent you a hug.
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Hi... I have a question... Is acupuncture something that might bring some relief is that something you've considered before or you have already tried? And if not I was thinking it might be something that you could bring to your arsenal of weapons

I hesitate but none the less wish you a happy birthday and I hesitate only because from the tone of your post things don't sound particularly happy the moment and I don't want you to think that I didn't hear anything that you said... I did... And off the top my head the other thing that might be helpful to you at some point is meditation if you have not tried that yet as some Studies have shown that it can be of assistance in dealing with pain but I digress ... let's get back to back to the birthday

It's just a 15 second little happy birthday just a little funky happy birthday couple of lines hopefully bring a smile to your face

So I could hear a little bit of the distraught this in your voice and
... I have one other little zany YouTube link to share with you and then I will quietly or not so quietly bid you adieu

Okay all done now
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Neurological......I hope you are seeing a neurologist for this disease Jenn.
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Hey...(term of enearment and familiarity, not just for horses) I like your poem that is photographed and the art pic...I have shared them on my facebook page with credit to the artist and the poet...the poem...would probably apply to anyone who has experienced any kind of trauma whether it was cancer, a loss and is grieving, a sexual abuse survivor or any other kind of speaks to me and I liked it so wanted to share it around...thank you for sharing it...and please if you have any other nuggets to share I would love to be so gifted (gift receiving) wife loved to draw.. and my son and daughter in law just opened a small art gallery in Manhattan...
anyway... just wanted you to know I appreciate the art and since art is for sharing, that is what I am doing...
and I would also like to know if you are able to use the meditation or the acupuncture to help, how that works out
Love Neal
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and one more thing.... yesterday was the first of the month...supposed to say RABBIT for good luck..... or BUNNY.. So ..... BUNNY RABBIT ...may this month have some things to dispel its reputation for having not so good things happen....except your birthday of course.... we need to change the color of this month... get out some happy colored pencils and lighten the palette... this is my wish for blemish blue, azure bliss, petticoat pinks and light passionate purples, fickle fuscia, and opulent orange melon, and tasty lemon, zesty lemon, soft mellow sunshine, lavender rose, victorian blush, just to name a few
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Thanks for your kind words about Barbara. It’s been hell. You need to be able to scream and yell. Barbara was my rock and I am so alone. But I promised her I would be ok. And you will be too. Don’t worry about offending anyone. It’s not about them!
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I have changed the gender to be appropriate and include the entire poem here which is Worthy of note in its fight against adversity especially when odds are against you and so your section of the poem was most apropos and the rest of the poem fits in as well some of which perhaps you will also like (and thankfully, she did like it...and so do others)... Whether fighting cancer..or any other demons be they past traumas or chronic diseases....I like these words of strength

It's easy to fight when everything's right,

And you're mad with the thrill and the glory;

It's easy to cheer when victory's near,

And wallow in fields that are gory.

It's a different song when everything's wrong,

When you're feeling infernally mortal;

When it's ten against one, and hope there is none,

Buck up, little sister, and chortle:

Carry on! Carry on!

There isn't much punch in your blow.

You're glaring and staring and hitting out blind;

You're muddy and bloody, but never you mind.

Carry on! Carry on!

You haven't the ghost of a show.

It's looking like death, but while you've a breath,

Carry on, my daughter! Carry on!

And so in the strife of the battle of life

It's easy to fight when you're winning;

It's easy to slave, and starve and be brave,

When the dawn of success is beginning.

But the woman who can meet despair and defeat

With a cheer, there's the woman of God's choosing;

The woman who can fight to Heaven's own height

Is the woman who can fight when she's losing.

Carry on! Carry on!

Things never were looming so black.

But show that you haven't a cowardly streak,

And though you're unlucky you never are weak.

Carry on! Carry on!

Brace up for another attack.

It's looking like hell, but -- you never can tell:

Carry on, woman! Carry on!

There are some who drift out in the deserts of doubt,

And some who in brutishness wallow;

There are others, I know, who in piety go

Because of a Heaven to follow.

But to labour with zest, and to give of your best,

For the sweetness and joy of the giving;

To help folks along with a hand and a song;

Why, there's the real sunshine of living.

Carry on! Carry on!

Fight the good fight and true;

Believe in your mission, greet life with a cheer;

There's big work to do, and that's why you are here.

Carry on! Carry on!

Let the world be the better for you;

And at last when you die, let this be your cry:

Carry on, my soul! Carry on!

by Robert William Service
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I too wanted to say happy birthday. I have gotten some relief.with acupuncture, meditation, and CBD oil. Sending hugs, love, and prayers
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Back again.

The pain came back about 2 months ago, with swelling of my left arm. Climbing the pain relief scale, I have climbed up to morphine. The inclusiveness of what was in there before was looming. After failed Psyiotherapy and a Ergo setup later I have gone for imagming. I have had this looming feeling. I hope there is not more to fight. I am 33 years old and I have fought twice. A third fight? What is wrong with me. What in the fuck was that black void on the ultrasound today? I picked up vaping. I used to smoke. I quit on my first DX day. The stress eats up at my sending a plume of acid reflux up to the back of my throat daily. Work has put me in Sales/Billing because it is hard for me to type what is necessary for technical tickets. They bought me a gorgeous split keyboard. I love my coworkers.

I got the water heater fixed finally. It was installed in October 15th 2017. I laid in bed after my first hot shower in a year sobbing about how hard it has been. Iain in now luckily on medical marijuana so he is doing better. The house smells like the living room of my parents home. Like a Phish Concert.

Work has been exciting. I am just worried.

I made a new friend last year at work. We have been sitting together since we met. Her name is Erin. We go grocery shopping and thrift store shopping. Her birthday is one day off of mine and her anniversary with her husband is three days off of ours. She lets me cut her hair. I now cut my Father in Laws, Iain's and hers. I never knew how much I would enjoy cutting hair.

So how do you deal with relaspes or reoccurences of cancer? Like emotionally.

3 people threw a punch at your cancer.
Thomas sent you a hug.
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It's so nice you have a supportive group of people surrounding you. Hope all turns out OK.
Hi Jennifer. I hope the spot is a cyst or shadow. I am so sorry you are going through this. I’m glad you are vaping. In our state medical and recreational marijuana are both legal. My husband takes a dose of Rick Simpson oil every night. It helps a lot with chemo side effects.

You are so young to have fought this fight 2x. I pray a third fight isn’t necessary.
Jennifer, I keep hoping I will wake up from this bad dream when the cancer comes back with a vengeance. It use to be easier to ignore but my last cancer marker was well over 10,0000. Somehow I knew I was not dreaming. I try to focus on the positive things in my life, particularly those that have come after the cancer. I also try to live in the moment. When my mind wants to drift to tomorrow or next week, I try to find something that brings me back to the present. On the posts I have read, most people find their own ways, some travel, some craft, some call a good empathetic friend. I hope you can find a way to get through these scary times.
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I think I have found a lot in cutting hair. Last time it was writing, and art. So I think I am going to begin to write poetry again or pick up the novel I have been writing. Typing hurts some, so I will figure out the plot and get a text to speech program.
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Vital Info


November 17, 2015

Click Here


February 4, 1984

Cancer Info


November 15, 2015

Stage 1

Grade 3


Starting off alone. Not having domain over my own body. Getting weaker. Being left in the dark by doctors

Don't take stuff or people for granted.

First Cancer was Endometrial Cancer -Very heavy bleeding -Abdominal pain -Fullness -Fatigue -Edema Sarcoma (2017) Growing lump on elbow pain tingling edema



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