Lambs and Lions

Anxiety is a great at eating at your nerves. We are now almost in March. And my surgery/Biopsy is 10 days away. I find myself drifting into my head and thinking of outcomes. I don't like statergy. I like control and to plan if it just not about me. I hate failure.

I like to feel my around art or the universe. Often letting the pastels talk or letting a journey take me instead of taking it. Adapting. I'm good with change.The weather has been fickle but favouring warm. It reminds me of walking through my Oma's garden as my mother, she and aunts talked about what would be planted this year and we'd talk as to what kind of year it would it be or critters. We would forecast. I'd mostly nod my little bright blonde hair and listen to the laughs of my mom and her identical twin laugh in chorus. I never have gotten to forecast in paper. Life has been spontaneous for me. What to plant? Oh these withered cheap tomatoes from the garden centre will do. I can bring those back to life. Or let's save these peppers seeds and toss them out back. My life is never planned. More luck and prayers.


Minda and Allan are preparing to move into the city. Their church is here, Iain and Alice are here. My roots grow as the others fade away. Have I become a root?

They've decided on a condo and we've inherited a BBQ, patio set, work bench, plates and cups and exercise equipment. My tiny home looks like a horders. Iain cannot turn down things. He broke the news about me being off. I talked with Alice about a fight she had with Iain via chat. Alice now now's about the sarcoma..The undefined baddy in my arm. I learned more about it. It a low grade..Which is good. But that tumour was in me for two years. Two years of dismissal and random needles by random physicians being poked in it and wiggled about to see if the could pop it or it it was bursitis. It took from July last year to November to get it somewhat out. Half out. 

The pain is mostly taken care of by the dulaudid. It's frustrating not being about to write. To write things out to control my anxiety. I have been able to sew a bit. Repairing old beloved items. Darning socks. I have been able to think more and have found myself happily watching a friend being a grandmother, reading more BFAC blogs or stroking Iris. In a way I'm thankful for anxiety in a way. I can tell I'm doing better with it since I have not used my medication in a while. Caution is good in moderation.

Patricia, Nathan sent you a prayer.
Kristina sent you a hug.
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Jennifer, you got this girl!!! Anxiety is horrible, but you can get through this. Look for natural remedy's. Let me know if I can help in any way!!!
Iris will be a good nurses. I promise you, that girl will not leave your side in your recuperating phase, except to go to the bathroom. Sorry you are having another go at this; hoping your stay in the nightclub is short, you get a better rest at home. Keep me updated please. God bless Jen.
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Vital Info


November 17, 2015

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February 4, 1984

Cancer Info


November 15, 2015

Stage 1

Grade 3


Starting off alone. Not having domain over my own body. Getting weaker. Being left in the dark by doctors

Don't take stuff or people for granted.

First Cancer was Endometrial Cancer -Very heavy bleeding -Abdominal pain -Fullness -Fatigue -Edema Sarcoma (2017) Growing lump on elbow pain tingling edema



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